Phoenix and Shawna's Excellent Adventures
by shawnders808
Summary: When that robot hits 88 MPH, some crazy stuff happens. Rated T for language, sexual jokes, and excessive use of drug jokes. A tale of self-insert written with rupin.
1. A Jellybean's Welcome

**A tale of self insert, written with my dear friend, rupin. If you swear you've read this before, you're not crazy. It was on her account before.  
Waterfall4242 epicallylate rupin.  
Uhm, I'm going back through and editing these, and pretty much redoing most of it? Yeahhh.  
We own nothing.**

...

It was a dark and stormy night…actually, screw that. It was sunnier than the average Sunday afternoon in summer. But they wished it was dark and stormy because these two girls, they're awesome like that.

They sat on the bed in the cabin, both of them staring blankly at the wall, not saying anything. That is, they weren't saying anything until Shawna laughed, her dark red hair bouncing as she tried to stifle her laugh.

"What?" The other female, Phoenix, stared awkwardly at her friend.

Shawna looked at Phoenix, then at Phoenix's short brown hair. "Nothing. I just remembered something funny is all." She shrugged, then continued, "So I hear they have ice skating here in the winter. Hockey, anyone?"

"Oh yeah, because you know how great my ice skating skills are. I can jump in the air and land on my ass."

"I feel like we are forgetting something." Phoenix shook her head.

"We cleaned out the old house," the brown-haired one mumbled. Before Shawna could respond, there was a knock on the cabin door.

"It's too early." Shawna groaned.

"It's noon," Phoenix corrected, opening the door. A short man stood outside said door, and he was coughing violently.

"Swallowed that the wrong way," he cleared his throat and Shawna laughed. "Hi, I'm Pascal. I would just like to tell you that we will be at Waffle Island in a few minutes. That will be all." With that, he walked out, only to come running back in before Phoenix could close the door. "One more thing I should mention. When we're docking, please hold on," he advised. Phoenix raised an eyebrow.

"We're on a boat...mother fucker," Shawna told the man.

"Congratulations, Shawna!" her best friend yelled sarcastically.

Pascal walked out, shaking his head.

After about ten minutes, the girls heard a loud rapping at the door again. "We will be docking in a second. Hold on." Pascal then rushed out, going to hold on to something, they assumed. Shawna, being the egoist she was, decided to let pride and smugness take over, and refused to hold on to anything. Phoenix, the smarter of the two, sat on the small bed and held onto a handicap railing that was attached to the wall. As soon as they docked, Shawna began to regret her choice, falling to the ground face first. Phoenix started to laugh, and Shawna glared daggers at her.

"Well, we should get going, then." Phoenix grabbed her bags by the door, which had oddly stayed put during their wonderful docking. Shawna followed behind, heaving her one bag over her shoulder.

The duo walked onto the sand, their shoes sinking into the sand. "There's sand in my shoes," Shawna pointed out.

"Congratulations, Captain Obvious," Phoenix sneered.

"Thank you, Sargent Sarcasm. But no one asked you."

"And no one asked you."

"If I wanted my comeback, I'd wipe it off your mom's chin!"

Phoenix rolled her eyes. Shawna used the same comeback whenever she could.

Huffing, Phoenix lead the way to Town Square, to go find the mayor in Town Hall, where he instructed them to meet him over the phone the previous night. When they got there, Shawna opened the door to find a guy with blonde hair wearing plaid pants and a sweater vest, and started laughing. "What're you, head nerd?" He glared up from the papers he was working on, watching the girls high five each other. "I'm Shawna, and this is my best friend, Phoenix. Now where's the mayor?"

The blonde didn't answer for a minute, and Phoenix, always remembering her manners, stepped in front of Shawna. "What she means to say is, take us-"

"To your leader, loser!"

"Basically."

"Dad!" Gill called from his seat.

"Mayor's boy?" Shawna laughed. "Oh, that's _so _attractive," she scoffed. Phoenix choked, and Shawna followed her gaze. A large...man, walked out of one of the back room, a huge smile lighting up his friendly face.

"Why hello there girls! You must be Phoenix and Shawna. I'm Hamilton, the Mayor of Waffle Town!" He motioned for Gill to go, who proceeded to get up and walk up the stairs, following a sign that said library.

"Nerd." Shawna mumbled. However, Phoenix knew she was kidding. The red head loved to read.

"Girls, let me show you to the place you'll be staying at." He smiled, holding the door for them as they walked outside. They followed him out the door and around a couple of bends.

"This is some kind of joke, right?" Shawna deadpanned. Mayor Hamilton shook his head. The young girl glared at him. "You're fucking kidding me, right? It's dirty!" She gave Hamilton a terrified look. "And not to mention renovation. This is going to take a lot of work!" As she stared at the small, dilapidated shack muttering to herself, Phoenix turned to Hamilton.

"Thanks."

"You're welcome. Oh, and I think you should go meet everyone in town." With that, he walked quickly away. Phoenix watched him walk away, and could just imagine a few Oompa Loompas coming to roll him off to the juicer. She had to laugh at the thought, and got an odd look from Shawna.

"Well, we might as well get started cleaning up. I heard there's carpenters here, so they can upgrade it for us. I brought money for us to get started with."

"What money? Wasn't the reason we moved here because we were too broke to live in the city?"

"Uh.. don't worry about it." Shawna glanced suspiciously at Phoenix before walking inside, grimacing as she touched the door handle. Shawna could handle most. But dirt and bugs were not some of those things.

The inside wasn't so bad, and Shawna smiled to herself. "We can do some great things decorating in here!"

Thus started her Spring Cleaning mode, and Phoenix just sat back on the couch that was supplied, drifting off.

…

The next morning, Shawna got up to see Phoenix already up, still clad in her pajamas.

"Get ready. We're going grocery shopping," Shawna said, going into a room to change, coming back out only minutes later, fully ready. Phoenix never knew how she did that, but decided to not question it. They walked out the door, finding their way to the general store to get a little bit of grocery shopping done.

…

Shawna turned to Phoenix. "What kind of island named Waffle Town has no waffles? There's pancakes, but no waffles. Ridiculous."

"...You don't even eat breakfast. Why's it matter?"

"Because," Shawna whined, "I like putting strawberries and ice cream on top of a nice warm waffle. You should try it sometime."


	2. Run, Bitch, Run

**Hello everyone! It's epicallylate (Phoenix) here and it's my turn to write the chapter!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harvest Moon. However, I do own Shawna, and I'm willing to let you buy her for $10 and a bus token. Just kidding! I love Shawna. SHE'S MINE YOU CAN'T HAVE HER!**

…

"Damn that supermarket," Phoenix grumbled as she placed her shopping bags on the counter. It had been a long day of shopping, but the thing the brown-haired girl was noticing she missed the most was in fact the old grocery stores back home. Sighing, she slid into a chair and rested her head in her hands, nearly falling asleep.

Keyword: _nearly._

Shawna was making way too much noise, cleaning cabinets, then putting their food items away.

"Fucking noisy..." mumbled Phoenix.

"Do you know where the bag with the ice cream went?" Shawna leaped up form behind the counter, a spork in her mouth. "Look, I found a spork! Half spoon, half fork!"

"No, I do not. Now shut up, will you? I'm trying to nap!" Phoenix shouted, having the urge to get up to smack her dear friend over the head.

"Well then, somebody's in a bad mood!" Shawna pouted, crossing her arms before glaring at her companion.

"No, I'm not in a bad mood," Phoenix sighed, running her fingers through her hair. "It's just that we haven't done anything interesting since we moved here. I need some excitement! Adventure!"

Shawna snickered. "Charlie, we're going on an adventure!" Phoenix face palmed. Despite the fact that Shawna was a nineteen year old sarcastic bitch, she was really immature, and liked to have fun.

"Really?"

Shawna smiled before turning back to her duties.

…

"You got it?"

"I got it."

Two hours later, the two had decided that they really needed to do something. That shack – which is an overstatement – of theirs smelled bad. Really bad. And, since Phoenix didn't have her special supply of AX with her, they were left with no option. They had to go out.

However, in a town as boring as they thought Waffle Town was, there wasn't much to do. Probably because they didn't know anyone yet. The two idiots thought it would be smart to go and introduce themselves in a new fashion.

By spray painting their names on everyone's houses.

So, here they are, in the middle of broad daylight, decked out in black, spray paint cans in hands, ready to vandalize a whole island.

And you know what?

They're damn proud of that description.

"Let's go!" They ran over to some weird, pink colored house. It had to belong to that lolita they saw in town earlier – if it belonged to a man it would be emotionally scarring. Personally, they thought they were doing the loli a favor by spray-painting their names.

"Come on Phoenix, we don't have all day!" whined Shawna, who was standing in front of the house impatiently.

Phoenix tossed the redhead a can of spray paint.

"Yea!" Shawna screamed as she got to work, gracing the house with the 'S' in her name.

"Should we just write our names?" asked Phoenix.

"I dunno. Oh, hmm, let's try this color," Shawna murmured as she picked out a random color from their basket of spray paint and tested it on her hand.

"Idiot," yelled the shorter girl, smacking Shawna. "Just use the one I gave you."

"But it has to be a good color! I don't like purple!"

"Just spray paint!"

"Hey! Who are you guys?"

"Phoenix! I'm you're best friend Shawna! How could you forget?" Shawna turned to face Phoenix, feeling very offended. Unfortunately, it wasn't Phoenix who said that.

You see, the owner was home. And the owner was an extremely attractive yet semi-effeminate male, with peachy-colored hair that matched the house and hair clips. He looked awfully upset, too. If looks could kill, the girls would both be dead.

"Fuck! It's the po-po!" yelled Shawna. "Run, bitch, run!"

"Wait!" Quickly, Phoenix grabbed a can and wrote something else on the wall before taking off.

"Wait! Tell me what you did to my house! Come back here this instant or else I'll...I'll...I'll cover you in uncooked pasta!"

Poor man didn't see it coming. The girls were long gone before his pasta threat, and his pretty house was still horribly stained by a few words:

Phoenix. Shawna. She-male!

He groaned, going inside to get the bucket of paint he had left over from when Luke painted his house.

…

"Well, that was close." Phoenix and Shawna had escaped the wrath of the girl-man with pretty hair and were now walking through the town, exhausted yet still trying to find a way to entertain themselves.

The day was actually quite nice. The sun was shining, the grass was wavering in the breeze, the clouds were rolling by, and the island sparkled with a little glow that was indescribable. But these girls, they hated the bright light for it was a bad omen.

Every extremely nice day always led to something bad.

And this was no exception.

"Not you two again!"

"It's peachy hair man! Run!"

…

**Review!**

**(P.S.: I didn't mean to offend any lolitas out there. I love the gothic loli style!)**


	3. New Chef In Town

**We own nothing.**

…

"Run, bitch, run!" Shawna yelled as the peach-haired boy chased after them. For a white -as in practically albino- boy, he ran fast!

After about five minutes of running around the island, he reached Shawna. She had kept slipping on Goddess only knows what, with her being a klutz and all. He had tackled her, and then rolled on the ground for a minute. When they came to a complete stop, he stifled a yelp, for he lay beneath her, and just so happened to roll onto a very, very sharp rock. He glared up at her giggling face as he propped himself up on his elbows. He tried not to wince, but didn't succeed.

"What are you giggling about?" he asked, slightly annoyed, but mostly confused.

Shawna giggled again before resting her head on the stranger's chest, pretending to fall asleep.

"Get off me, will you!" he grumbled. Shawna looked up.

"Why should I?" she asked in a voice that of a child.

"Because if you don't, I'll...cover you in uncooked pasta?," he replied, going back to his previous threat from their first meeting.

"Oh, I'm so scared. Look at me, I'm shaking," Phoenix drawled out sarcastically. He shot her a glare.

"What's your name?" He looked back at the girl who was still on top of him.

"Chase."

"I'm Shawna!"

_Oh god, no no no._ Phoenix recognized her friend's behavior as flirting. They'd be here all day.

"That's great. Can you get off me now?" Shawna laughed, shaking her head. He groaned.

Phoenix surveyed the current situation carefully. If it had been her that Chase had caught, he certainly would be yelling and screaming, and they probably would be in some sort of Texas-style-cage-fight -esque brawl. However, he caught Shawna, and they were having a somewhat-civil conversation. The brown-haired girl laughed evilly to herself. She could have some fun with this.

"So what do we have to do to repay for the damages?" Shawna asked him.

"Well, you can just leave me alone? I already painted over it."

"No fun!" Shawna pouted, poking him in the chest. "Is there anything? I feel bad."

Yes, despite how mean Shawna _could _be, guilt often overwhelmed her afterward. Unlike Phoenix, who just didn't give a damn what anyone thought.

Said brown haired girl's scoff went unnoticed as she stood there with her arms crossed.

"I'm a chef at the Sundae Inn. You could work there if you want? Help me with things around the kitchen and such if you'd like."

"If you wanted me to be your slave, you might has well have carried me to your house already, I mean, jeez. I'm not going to deny a hot guy his pleasure." His face flared up, and she laughed. "Calm yo' tits, bro. Fine. I'm fantastic at cooking, but Phoenix here. Well, she relies on microwave instructions. She's be better off as a waitress."

"I won't deny it," the brown haired girl laughed, shrugging her shoulders.

"That'll work. Now, can you _please_ get off of me?"

"Seems you don't want me to…" Shawna smirked, motioning to her lower back. His hand was just resting there, almost naturally.

"S-Sorry," Chase mumbled, turning pink. He quickly removed his hand, placing it stiffly down by his side.

"Child, get off of him now," Phoenix interrupted Shawna's 'flirting' with the male, giving Chase a look of pure…hatred. There might be a small amount of tension between Mama Phoenix and the chef in the future... No one was allowed to be close enough to Shawna after her _last_ boyfriend.

As Shawna went to stand up, and Chase went to sit up, she twisted her ankle and fell right back down, into his lap. He groaned, pain etched across his face. Shawna quickly stood up, shouting apologies. Chase sat there for a few more minutes with his eyes tightly closed. If there was anything Shawna did, it was hit males in their special no-no places, since things could turn out horribly.

"And here I thought you didn't have anything. Anyways, Shawna, you can do whatever. I'm gonna go meet people that aren't him." Phoenix walked off, no clue as to where she was headed.

As Chase regained his composure, he stood up shakily, obviously still in pain. Shawna helped him stand up straighter.

"I'm really sorry about that. I didn't mean to trip. I hope you're not too hurt. Oh, I'm terribly sorry." Shawna stopped when Chase patted her on the shoulder.

"Just shut up. It's fine. Now let's go. I was just on my way to work, anyways."

"Well then."

…

They spent the day at the Inn together, and Chase was surprised at how well she cooked. He smiled at her in approval, before taking another tray out. Since Phoenix was being lazy, as per usual, Chase was stuck doing her job on her first day.

Meanwhile, Shawna was in the kitchen, sitting on a chair by the stove. No one else was coming in, and it was almost closing time. Chase was busy cleaning dishes and such, and so she was deathly bored. She yawned, stretching out and rested her head on her arms. "Just gonna rest my eyes for a second..."

Eventually, she dozed off, probably dreaming about something completely ridiculous as per usual.

The peachy-haired man walked in, seeing this sight. He stared, before realizing that the burner wasn't turned off…which left him with an ultimatum: should he just leave her, or should he get her head away from the burner? He decided to go with the second option, grumbling to himself as he picked her up and put her over his shoulder. It _was_ the end of his shift, so, he might as well go try to find the devil called Phoenix.

"Chase~" He groaned, shutting his eyes.

"Yes Maya?"

"Why don't you ever carry me anywhere? But you'll carry a complete stranger. That's so unlike you." She was right, he'd admit. He hated getting close to people in general, but there was just something about this girl. Something totally opposite of everything in Maya.

He shrugged in response, continuing to walk out the door of the Inn.

But there was a problem. No one could find Phoenix…or Kathy for that matter. Girls. They clicked right away, didn't they? Of course, since Phoenix was gone, the only key to their shack was gone, which meant that he had to put sleeping beauty somewhere.

So, instead of running around looking for Phoenix, he brought Shawna to his house, placing her on the bed and taking her shoes off so they wouldn't mess up his bed. Then, he decided to just stay in his clothes and got in next to her. Good thing he had a big bed, because there's no way he was sleeping on the couch. And there was no way he was letting her sleep on the couch, either. That thing was completely uncomfortable. So uncomfortable, it should be illegal.

Of course, since people shift during the night, Shawna woke up in the morning to find herself staring at a stain on the shirt of her co-worker and new friend, Chase. They were rather close, and she was squished against him, with his arm around her. Instead of freaking out about waking up next to someone she'd just met, and thinking about all the things that could have happened the night before, her eyes were glued to the stain. She yelped, waking the violet eyed boy next to her.

"Eww!" If there's one thing Shawna hated more than when people didn't use their blinkers, it was stains. Chase noticed how close they were, and picked his arm off her sheepishly, as she was trying to move it to get away from the stain.

"You have a stain on your shirt, too, you know," he mentioned, poking her shoulder. She screamed, and Chase clamped his hands over his ears, groaning.

"Get it off! Get it off!" He clamped his hand over her mouth, glaring at her.

"Shut up, will you? When I let go, you can't scream. It's obnoxious," he growled out. Shawna nodded.

"Well, I'm gonna make breakfast. You can do whatever, get ready. Bathroom's over there. After, we should go find Phoenix. Then we have to all get to work."

…

Shawna came out of the shower, using the towel to get most of the water from her hair. She was wearing one of Chase's white shirts. It was a simple, button up, three quarter sleeved shirt, but it was a bit long on her. She was wearing her jeans from the day before. As much as she hated it, she could suck that up, since none of his pants were going to fit her.

She walked out into the kitchen to find Chase leaning back in a chair. He had glasses on, and was reading the newspaper. He looked up when she walked out, trying to hold back his blush by scrunching his face up. The sight of Shawna in his shirt was odd to him. A girl he'd just met, now worked with, had been in his bed, and now in his clothes. This was so unlike him, really. If it were Maya, or anyone else on the island for that matter, he would've just left them at the Inn.

"Do I look stupid?" she asked, looking down and playing with the hem of the shirt. Chase shook his head vigorously.

"No, no. You look fine. I mean, you don't look bad. You look... You don't look stupid." Shawna laughed, taking a seat across from him.

She knew he felt awkward, so she decided to mess with him. "I knew you wanted to sleep with me."

The orange juice Chase had just sipped went all over the newspaper he was holding, and he coughed, turning a bright shade of red.

"Oh my goodness, son. Take a joke for once," she laughed. "Anyways, I didn't know you wore glasses."

"I wear contacts usually. Are you going to eat?" he asked. Shawna shrugged.

"I'm not much of a breakfast person, but I'll have some toast, I suppose. I like you in glasses." Chase smiled awkwardly at her.

"Anyways, I should call Phoenix once we finish, huh?" He nodded, and they sat in silence as Shawna finished her piece of toast.

...

"I must have left my phone in the house. Mind if I use your phone?" Shawna asked. Chase pointed to the counter, where a small cell phone sat.

Dialing the number, she waited as the phone rang.

"_Hello?"_ came a confused voice on the other end.

"Yo. It's Shawna."

"_Oh my god! Where were you last night?" _Phoenix shouted on the other end of the line.

"I got drunk with Chase and we came back to his house to have a one-night stand," Shawna said as seriously as she could. Chase, who'd just taken a sip of orange juice, did a spit take. He gawked at her. He'd really have to get used to this girl.

"_You what?" _Phoenix screamed.

"Relax! I'm kidding!" Shawna laughed.

"_Well, where are you now?"_ Phoenix asked.

"Chase's. Head over to Sundae Inn. You have work today miss." Then Shawna hung up.

"Jesus, and here I thought you were an innocent, shy girl!" Chase exclaimed, pouring more orange juice into his glass.

"There's a lot you don't know about me, dude."

…

They met Phoenix at the Sundae Inn, and she was scowling. As soon as she saw Shawna, she walked over, glaring daggers.

"Why didn't you come home last night?" she demanded.

"Well, I guess I fell asleep in there, and Chase couldn't find you, so he brought me to his house. It's not like anything happened. Unless you count in the shower this morning..." Shawna held out her arm as Phoenix went to go hit Chase, who backed away, now also glaring at Shawna. "Kidding, kidding!"

"Are you trying to get me killed?" Chase grunted.

"You...You're wearing his shirt! I'm going to kill you she-male!"

"Whoa there, Phoenix. I asked him if I could wear it. You're lucky I even got into my pants from yesterday." Shawna had once again stepped in front of Chase to block him from Mama Phoenix. A very upset Mama Phoenix, at that.

"I'll let it go this time..." Phoenix grumbled. The redhead smiled as Chase let out a sigh of relief. Shawna grabbed his hand and pulled him into the kitchen. Phoenix began to follow, asking what she was supposed to do.

Twenty minutes later, Phoenix was wearing an apron and had a pad and pen. She saw the blue haired boy she met the day before at the bar, named Luke, and decided to take his order first.

"Can I get you anything?" she asked him. He smiled at her.

"Uhm…Mahi-Mahi with a bottle of mayonnaise. Oh! And water." He ordered. Phoenix wrote it down, nodding, and walked back to give to Shawna. Shawna was cooking and working as a waitress too. Of course, the outfit didn't fit right, making it especially short, and she was afraid to bend down. So she was slow, trying not to drop anything. For a klutz, she was pretty good at this thing.

When Phoenix brought the check out to the blue haired boy, she wrote her number on it, winking at him. They laughed.

As Luke was walking out to leave, he turned to wave at Phoenix, and he ended up running into a pole. Smooth like Bond…

Meanwhile, in the kitchen with Chase and Shawna…

…


	4. I Make More Than Just Pasta

**We own nothing.**

…

Meanwhile, in the kitchen...

Shawna was being, well, smart. Ish. Smart-ish.

Seriously, you'd never imagine that a girl that was this stupid and easily distracted normally could focus this well, but damn, she could. She hovered over the pot of soup or whatever she was making, and intent look in her eyes as she added spices. Bam! There goes the cinnamon. Bam! Ooh, oregano. Kinky.

Chase peered over his dish to look at her. Boy was she a good cook. There was a possibility that she was better than him! Bah! Blasphemy, he told himself. No one was better than him.

Oh snap. The heat on the burner was turned up to high! Shawna was going to burn off her hair at this rate! Oh, what to do?

Enough of this bizarre manner of speech. Here's what went down: Chase, in a desperate attempt to look like the man that his hair clips keep him from being, dove to turn down the burner, causing the soup to splash up. He grabbed Shawna by the shoulders so she wouldn't get hurt by the boiling liquid, but she accidentally grabbed two salt shakers and the oregano bottle and spilled them on the floor.

"Hey...uh, thanks, I guess?" Shawna turned around, staring at Chase awkwardly.

"It's nothing! You were just so stupid that I tried to save you so you wouldn't become...uh...more...stupid?" He flinched at his horrible comeback. Suave, Chase, suave.

Shawna's eyes welled up with tears and she opened her mouth, letting out a deafening wail.

"Kidding, kidding!" he panicked.

"So am I." She stuck her tongue out at him, and he let out a sigh of relief.

Phoenix, who had heard the cry, barged in, the door hinge making a cracking noise. Seeing nothing, she glared and turned on her heel.

"Is she always that violent?" Chase gaped, pointing at the exiting waitress.

"Oh, no. She's usually much more. She sent my ex boyfriend to the emergency room. Poor boy...he was never the same... Anyways, I should clean that up," she said, pointed to the condiments on the floor.

"No!" In an attempt to stop his amazingly perverted mind from going crazy, Chase tried to stop the girl in the short uniform from bending over. But no, she was already half-way down...

"Oh fuck!" He yelled, turning away quickly.

"You pervert," Phoenix lectured, shaking her head as she leaned over the counter, staring at the young man. She glared before taking a plate to a customer.

Chase reached for tissues since the blood from his nose was dripping onto his pants.

Shawna finished cleaning and looked at him.

"Why's there blood on your pants? Trying to tell us something?" she laughed.

"It's not what you think!"

Behind the counter, Phoenix laughed evilly to herself.

_Make Chase seem like a girl in front of Shawna: Check._

…

Other than that, the day passed quite normally. Chase and Phoenix exchanged glares continuously, and Shawna remained blissfully oblivious to their rivalry.

Upon reaching their deprecated shack, Phoenix let themselves in and checked her watch. "Gill should be here in an hour. Now, you know the rules. Do not do anything naughty. At least not in my bed. Or on the sofa. And make sure Gill doesn't touch my cereal!"

"Why's Gill coming?"

"Oh, I threatened - er, asked - him to come over to keep you company while I go to Kathy's. She's a new friend."

"Oh, okay. Well, anyways, I know the rules."

"Good child. I trust you!" Phoenix encased Shawna in a bone-crushing hug.

"Hey, Phoenix, may I ask you something?"

"Shoot."

"Why are you and Kathy always disappearing together?"

"Well, Shawna," Phoenix sat across from the younger girl, crossing her legs, "you see, Kathy and I have a special kind of relationship where – ooh, look, here's Gill!" Phoenix opened the door, revealing Gill. She thanked the heavens for the save.

"Hello," he said coldly.

"Hello Gill!"

"Where's Shawna?"

"In the kitchen," Phoenix responded, but grabbed the blonde boy by the color before he could leave. "Before I leave, I have to tell you something. If you do anything, anything _at all, _to hurt my dear child, Mama Phoenix will hunt you down, and if you, by some miracle, _survive,_ I'll make sure that you will at least be so emotionally scarred that no amount of therapy will be able to make you better. Are we clear?"

"Wha-what?" Gill was scared, as he saw the pure malice burning in Phoenix's eyes.

"I thought so. Have a nice night!" Phoenix left, closing the door.

"O-ok..."

…

"Gill! Get me some ice cream!" Shawna moaned from the sofa, where she was playing with the new computer they bought. In the past four hours, they had bought a new computer, gone grocery shopping, and ate three pints of ice cream. They just drained Phoenix's life savings. Ah, well.

"You shouldn't eat so much ice cream, you know," Gill muttered, tossing her another pint. "That's the last one.

…

Gill sat, reading his book. It had been quiet for a while, and he looked up to see Shawna sound asleep on the couch.

Sighing, Gill walked over to the couch, putting the computer on the table, and leaned over the red-haired girl, trying to figure out what to do. However, he couldn't help but let his perverted male mind wander.

_She's kind of cute..._

_Not kind of, very!_

_Fine, very!_

Suddenly, someone threw open the door. A menacing figure lurked in the doorway, shadowed by the darkness outside. Oh lord! Gill was going to get it.

"It's not what it looks like!" he shrieked in a very high-pitched voice.

Wait.

Mama Pho– er, Phoenix was only five feet tall. In essence, she was quite small. A lot of evil in a tiny package, and the person in the doorway was a lot of evil in a giant, six-foot package.

So, obviously, the new intruder that caught Gill being the pervert that he is was not Phoenix, but rather another.

"Get off my sofa!"

"What?" Gill's head snapped up to see Chase looming over him, growling.

"That damn Phoenix stole my fucking sofa! That's my sofa! Get the hell off it, I want to go watch the next season of America's Next Top Mo- I mean, Top Chef, and I need a sofa to do so!" Chase fumed, clenching his fists.

"Oh, ok," Gill replied as he stood up, automatically regretting that action, for it revealed that he was getting dangerously close to Shawna in his previous actions.

"What the hell were you going to do to her?" Chase asked, bewildered.

"Nothing, I swear! And stop interfering, this isn't your business! So go back and cook some pasta, like you should be doing!"

"Pasta? Excuse me, but I cook way more than just pasta, but I guess you'd never know that because you never go outside, little mayor's son!"

"This is taking up way too much of my energy! I'm just going to leave right now!"

Before Gill could leave or Chase could stop him, the door swung open once more.

But who was it this time? Mama Phoenix? Luke? The weird jellybean man that claims that he is the mayor?

…

**Review? The continuation of this chapter is written by Shawna in the next chapter!  
Edit: Shawna here. Who'll it be? I don't even remember. XD**


	5. No, You Cannot Have Your Couch Back

**We own nothing. **

…

_Previously on PASEA:_

_Before Gill could leave or Chase could stop him, the door swung open once more._

_But who was it this time? Mama Phoenix? Luke? The weird jellybean man that claims that he is the mayor?_

It was…well, who do you think it was? Obviously none other than the amazing Mama Phoenix! See, it went down like this: Phoenix and Kathy were at an _insane_ party, and they were sitting on the floor, talking about life and all that fun stuff.

"And he was _serious, _dude! Like, he ran into a _door!"_ Phoenix said, which caused Kathy to double over in laughter.

"Wowwwww," the blonde replied.

"I was all like – Wait. My Shawna senses are tingling! I'll be right back!"

"I'll come with!"

And with that, Phoenix and Kathy left the party, sprinted to the shack, and swung open the door.

"Who is being perverted to my...sleeping ADD child?" Phoenix started to lower her voice, noticing that Shawna was asleep. "Good Goddess, Gill…how much ice cream did you let her have?" Phoenix gaped at the empty pints of ice cream, sprawled out among the new coffee table (that she may or may not have paid for). A quick tally determined that there was over eight. They ate over eight pints of ice cream. Dammit. That would cost _a lot._

"Can I just have my couch back?" Chase whined, because that was the only reason he was there. He needed to watch the season premier of America's Next Top Mod- er, I mean, Top Chef.

"I already told you, Chase, that's not _your_ couch. That is Shawna's couch. She bought it yesterday. Luke took yours," the brown-haired girl argued as she pointed at said piece of furniture.

"Oh…well…can I just stay here? I'm tired and…well, I don't want to walk all the way back," he asked. Truthfully, he wanted to watch his show, and since he didn't have a sofa, he would have to mooch of someone who did. Not like he'd admit it. He'd say something like he was trying to get his fabulous cooking skills to rub off on them.

"Whatever. You can _not_ stay in my room though," Phoenix told him. "Kathy, can you help me get Shawna off this couch and into her room?" Phoenix pointed at the couch, then towards the door at the end of the hall as she said this.

"I can do it, if you want?" Chase offered. Phoenix glared. "Right, never mind."

Kathy nodded, helping carry Shawna. When she was safely in her bed, Phoenix walked back out with the blonde on her heels.

"Okay. You two will both sleep anywhere in Shawna's room, just as long as you don't hurt my dear child. I swear to the goddess, if there is _one_ mark, strand of hair, piece of string, or anything else touching her, on her, or anything, I will hunt you down, and I _will_ kill you. You'll end up worse than the guy who I put in the hospital. I'll put you two in _graves_. Do we have an understanding?" she asked the last question sweetly, cocking her head to the side and putting her hands behind her back, swaying back and forth. They gulped, but nodded, and Kathy and Phoenix walked into Phoenix's room, closing the door behind them.

"I don't even want to know…," Chase mumbled, staring at the closed door and sign that read, '_Phoenix's Room. You enter, you die_.'

"I don't either," Gill agreed. Right as Chase was about to say something, the bedroom door opened, revealing a rather disheveled looking Phoenix.

"I forgot something," she mumbled, walking out the door. Minutes later, she came back in, dragging Luke behind her.

"Good goddess, woman! Did you murder him?" Gill asked, looking at her like a scared puppy.

"Never mind that, where the hell did he come from?" Chase incredulously questioned.

"No, I did not kill him, fat head. He ran into a pole. And that, Chase, is classified information," she grumbled, scowling at them before giving them 'the look' and disappearing into her bedroom, taking Luke in too. Chase and Gill stood there for a moment, not sure of what to do, so they headed into Shawna's room, closing the door behind them. Chase took the spot on Shawna's right side, while Gill took the left. They both slipped under the covers, making sure to keep on the very edges of the bed.

Of course, they hadn't thought of how Mama might react if she found her dear child in a position like this. Let's just hope she never found out. Then again, she did say they could sleep _anywhere._

…

Shawna woke up the next morning, bright and early. Normally, she wasn't a morning person. But crashing earlier makes you wake up earlier.

She went out in the kitchen, decided to make some coffee for herself. Phoenix had gotten the Starbucks ground coffee beans; the best kind. After she did that, she decided to make a buffet of breakfast items for everyone. She smiled to herself, starting to sing as she danced around the kitchenette.

"Damn right, hoe, you so sleezy. You give me the heeby jeebies. You make my peepee hard. You make my peepee hard! Turn around girlfriend, now drop it. I wanna see you pop and lock it. Put your hands down in my pocket, and make my peepee hard." Gill's laugh came from the hallway. Shawna looked over, blushing a deep red. The only other person that's ever heard her sing is Phoenix. Especially such a lovely, dirty song.

"Brokencyde?" Chase asked, coming from the bathroom.

"Yeah."

The boys sat down, just as Shawna put the last food items on the table. They were just going to have to start breakfast without the other three.

Meanwhile, in the other bedroom, Phoenix's to be exact, Phoenix woke up along with Kathy. As they got up, Luke stirred. He sat up, rubbing his eyes. When he opened them, he yelped. "Did we…" he started.

"Did Kathy and I take advantage of you, and then smoke pot until midnight?" Phoenix asked. "No. Well, actually, the pot part might be true…but…otherwise, no." Luke sighed in relief at Phoenix's words and they all walked out to find Chase and Shawna eating breakfast and chatting. Gill had already left for work, if you dare call him sitting around the town hall and yelling at Elli 'work.'

"Hey people!" Kathy greeted as she walked into the kitchen. Despite her cheerful demeanor, she looked extremely tired – her posture was hunched, there were bags under her eyes, and she looked as though she could pass out any second. Quickly she slumped into a chair and shoveled some cheese onto her plate.

"Shawna, did they hurt you!" Phoenix skipped all the 'good morning' shit and went straight to business.

"No, they didn't. But they kept me warm all night. Both of them had their arms wrapped around me." Shawna smiled, oblivious as to what was making Phoenix mad all of a sudden.

"You touched her! I specifically said _not_ to touch her!" Phoenix lashed out, Chase scooting back with some scrambled eggs hanging out of his mouth.

"Phoenix, dear, be reasonable. It's a natural guy thing that they do in their sleep," Kathy assured her, calming down. "Actually, it's more of a protective type of thing. So you should be happy. I'm sure if," Kathy shuddered, "Toby were to walk in and try to take her, they would stop him."

"I guess you're right…but don't get any ideas, buddy." Phoenix glared at Chase, as per usual, as Shawna, still completely oblivious to the tension between the two, started to clean up. Kathy left, whispering something in Phoenix's ear before heading off to work. Chase helped Shawna clean while Phoenix got ready for work. Then, Shawna went to go get ready in her room, accidentally leaving her door ajar. Chase, being the idiot that he was, wasn't actually staring in the door, but he was daydreaming (about oranges, as disturbing as that is), and his head happened to be looking in that general direction, implying that he could be staring in the door – even though he was not.

This made Phoenix mad.

"I swear. You won't be alive if you keep this up, she-male with hair clips," Phoenix said.

"What the hell are you…oh…oh!" Chase turned around quickly, for Phoenix's rambling, and noticed the door – and, more specifically, what was behind it. His face was the color of a tomato.

Shawna walked out in her awkward uniform, grabbing her bag and heading towards the door. "You guys ready?" she asked. They nodded, walking out with her, Phoenix continuing to give the death stare to the male cook.

When they got to Sundae Inn, they immediately started to work. You know how music makes it seem like time goes faster? Well, there was none playing, so Phoenix started to sing quietly to herself.

"Where's that she-male? He usually pops up at times like these," she asked herself suddenly, noticing a bunch of bloody noses as Shawna was dancing around the kitchen. Spying around the corner, she noticed him talking to that Maya girl. They seemed as though the were arguing, and he began to shake his head before abruptly walking away, leaving what appeared to be an annoyed Maya in his wake.

"Chase!," Shawna yelled worriedly, running over to him. "What's wrong? You look upset!" she asked, sounding like a caring person. Unlike Phoenix, who was thinking of ways to kill him at that moment.

"Don't worry about it," he replied, getting back to work.

"Alright...," she replied, focusing on her strawberry cheesecake and banana fondue she was making. It was for the jellybean- erm…mayor. I mean, who else eats dessert at noon? Either way, as she attempted to focus on said treat for said 'mayor,' she couldn't help but ponder what was going on between Chase and Maya.

Shawna went to go pick up the platter, but Phoenix grabbed it and walked out before she could. She shrugged it off and got back to work. Everything the older girl does has some reason, it just takes a while for said reason to make sense.

By the end of the day, they were all tired. Chase walked Shawna home, and she asked him to keep her company while Phoenix stayed to say goodbye to Kathy.

They walked inside, using Phoenix's spare key she just had made (even though she specifically said that Chase could not use it), and sat on the sofa. Shawna grabbed the remote for the brand new TV they had just received as a gift from an anonymous person.

"Oh wow! My birthday's tomorrow!" Shawna remarked when she had turned the computer on and noticed the date at the bottom of the screen. She smiled. "We gotta get those trick candles. I could sit there for hours trying to blow those out. I love them so much and- Oh! This is my favorite show!" Shawna pushed the computer away, setting it on the coffee table, and scooted closer to Chase.

Shawna wasn't stupid. She knew when she liked someone. Despite just meeting him, Chase was fun to be around, and they had a lot in common. She smiled inwardly when he noticed her scooting closer, and put his arm around her shoulders to pull her closer. Shawna tried not to feel too giddy, so she looked away to hide the smile that she just couldn't resist.

He honestly seemed like a complete dick at first. She noticed the way he talked to other people, and the way he and Phoenix constantly seemed to bicker. But he was always respectable around her. Although in the past week, they had their moments in the kitchen, arguing over something completely silly. But, she guessed, they could be friends.

She turned her attention back to the television, engrossed in what Rachel had to make today.

"I wish I could be just like her…" she mused.

Eventually, after having Chase get some things for her to snack on, they both fell asleep. They'd been laying down, snuggled up on the couch for about and hour and a half, and Phoenix had yet to arrive. Yeah, 'saying goodbye to Kathy' Chase's ass.

Phoenix walked in, noticing it was quiet. She closed the door quietly, tiptoeing over to the couch to find Shawna snuggled up in Chase's arms, the TV blaring. A rerun of Cooking For Real with Sunny Anderson. Phoenix decided to watch it in her room on the other TV they had. Maybe she could brush up on her cooking skills, even though it was pointless, seeing as she only bothered to cook when she wanted to make people sick.

Deciding that if she woke Chase up, she would also wake up her dear child who was sleeping peacefully, she left them there, asleep on the couch, with the TV on. She could beat Chase to a pulp later. Besides, just beating him up was getting boring. She needed to spice up how she tortured him. Possibly, she could throw some arsenic in there. Like he would see that coming.

The next morning, Phoenix woke up to see that beauty and the beast were still sleeping peacefully.

…


	6. Blood Loss

**We own nothing.**

…

"Ready?"

"Yes."

"Do you have it?"

"Yes."

"Are you sure everything is in place?"

"Yes, dammit! Just throw the switch and let's do this bitch!" Phoenix yelled at Luke, who was making a big deal out of something again. See, it was Shawna's birthday on that day, and Phoenix, Kathy and Luke had planned a huge surprise party in their house/shack.

But, to truly understand what is going on, we must go back, back to a different time~~~~~

As in earlier in the morning.

…

So, as said before, Phoenix woke up early in the morning – around 7 AM – and checked on her dear child and the horrible pervert. They were sleeping peacefully in each others arms. Normally, the brown-haired girl would totally freak out and kick Chase's feminine ass at this sight, but she let it slide for it was Shawna's birthday and if she liked this boy, then Phoenix would stop harassing him for one day.

But it was just one day. He couldn't get used to this kind of nice, polite treatment.

So, Phoenix slowly peeled Shawna out of Chase's arms (because that does not sound perverted at all) and dropped him on the floor.

Screw being nice. She'll just be nice to him when Shawna's awake.

"Wake up, you worthless piece of sh-" she began.

"Yes, yes, I get it. What do you want?" he snapped.

"If you didn't notice, today is Shawna's birthday. So, I need you to cover for me at work while I plan the party. Get it? Good. Now leave, your horrible hair is burning my eyes. Can't you get a better haircut? Dammit! I'll cut it if you want me to! Get out of my sight! Make sure you do all of Shawna's work!"

And, with that, Phoenix slammed the door and left.

"She's...a psycho."

…

Two hours later, Phoenix returned in a ~*~fabulously dramatic~*~ fashion.

"Wake up child!" she sang out, totally in a musical-esque manner. "Get up! Up! Time to go to work!"

"But nnnghhhh..." Shawna groaned.

"Up! Now! Bitch!" Screw musicals, now she was drama-esque.

"But it's my birthday! Five more minutes!" the younger one cried.

"Somebody has to pay rent around here!" Horror-esque?

"Why can't you!"

"I have to spend my money on other things!"

"Like furniture?"

"No, I steal that," Phoenix blurted out, only to cover her mouth. "Mr. Nobody man! Stop telling lies!" she shouted, trying to cover up her act.

"Ummm..."

"To work you go!"

…

At work...

Chase and Shawna spent most of the morning happy as could be. Well, for Chase anyway. Why? Because Mama Phoenix was out and that meant that he could work without her annoying him or hurting him or trying to kill him. Which meant his day was kind of nice.

When the lunch break came, the peachy-haired almost-transvestite offered to make Shawna a birthday lunch, consisting of one of her favorite meal: tortellini. She graciously accepted the offering, thanking him when it was finished.

"Hey...Chase? Do you think...do you think we could go to the firefly festival together this weekend? I have no one to go with. Kathy, Luke, and Phoenix are going together, I hate Toby, I hate Maya with a burning passion, and everyone else has a date. And besides, we're friends, right? We could go together as friends." Shawna tilted her head, smiling at him. Chase blushed furiously.

"Yeah...sure... I'd like that." he smiled back.

Shawna gathered her plate up, walking into the kitchen, Chase following. She stopped suddenly, and Chase almost bumped into her. "What is it?" he asked.

"That string there. I could have tripped." She eyed the small string on the floor, which was no longer than an inch, and then stooped down to pick it up and put it on the counter. She continued what she was doing, as if nothing had just happened.

Chase, however, was practically running out of blood. Shawna's short uniform really distracted him.

…

"Dammit Luke!" Phoenix yelled.

"I didn't do it!" he whined.

"Oh really? Then who did?" she asked, putting her hands on her hips.

"Luna!" Luke tattled.

"Why that little…Now I have to go get more invitations!" Phoenix yelled to the world, shaking her fist in the air.

"Yo, drama queen. Don't get your panties in a bunch," Luke snickered

Kathy ignored him, adding, "I have more invites right here."

…

"Oh no! I'm going to miss my show!" Shawna screamed at the top of her lungs. Chase quickly covered his ears.

"What show?" he asked.

"A soap opera...in Russian," Shawna replied.

"When did you learn to speak Russian.?" Chase was confused now.

"I don't know. A while ago! Now shut up and clean up so we can get the hell outta here! I want you to come over and watch it with me!" Shawna laughed. Chase shook his head.

"Anything for the birthday princess," he muttered.

"Damn straight."


	7. Surprise!

**We own nothing.**

**...**

"Okay. We've got the invitations. Oh, did you get one for the new girl? Kathy, did you get the Carvel Ice Cream Cake? And Luke, did you get the candles?" They both nodded. "So we've sent out invitations, we've got the cake and candles, we've all got presents for her, and we've cleaned the house. Anything else? Oh yes. I have to call that good for nothing fool Chase to let him know when to bring Shawna over."

…

"Yes?"

"Bring her over in an hour. Everyone should be here in about five minutes, but we have to wait for slowpokes like Gill," Phoenix said.

"Right. Okay. See you later."

"See who when?" Shawna asked from her spot on the ground. They were sitting under Alan's tree, Shawna drawing the scenery. Chase attempted, but Shawna failed him when she saw a tree that was quite…childishly drawn, some puffy clouds, a cheesy sun wearing sunglasses, and two stick people sitting with paper underneath the tree.

They'd decided to take a walk, since by the time they finished cleaning, the show would've almost been over.

"Kathy and I have to go meet Yolanda tomorrow. She just called to remind me," Chase lied.

"Oh." Shawna went back to drawing, knowing that Chase was watching her over her shoulder. She shivered.

"Are you cold?"

"No. I just get that creeped out feeling. Like someone's watching me. I know it's you, but I just get that feeling, she explained.

He shook his head, and continued to watch her draw.

…

"And that's the last guest, the new girl," Phoenix said, closing the door. Luke cheered. Phoenix walked over towards the new girl.

"I know you don't know us, and you're new and all, but I'm Phoenix. My best friend, the girl who's birthday party this is for, will be arriving shortly. Her name is Shawna." Phoenix smiled. "She's a bit crazy, I warn you. Anyways, I have to call that good for nothing chef now, so, toodles!" Phoenix pulled out her phone, dialing the only number she knew so well because she prank called it ever hour.

"Chase, everyone's here. Bring her over now. Bye." And then she hung up, not bothering to hear what Chase had to say.

…

"So, do you still want me to watch that Russian soap opera with you?" Chase asked. Shawna nodded, finishing her art. "What time does it start?" he asked.

"Well the rerun of it is later tonight. We can go hang out though."

Chase nodded. Shawna gathered up her sketchbook.

They walked off, Chase offering to carry some of Shawna's many sketchbooks.

As they reached the house, Chase saw Phoenix looking out from the window, and then she left, going to tell everyone.

Chase smiled. "Here. I think I have a spare key. I took it because Phoenix told me not to." He laughed. Shawna smiled.

"I love rebelling against her, but sometimes, I'm not sure if it's a good idea." She laughed, remembering what happened last time when she came home late. She got smacked upside the head with the handle of a knife, being rendered unconscious. The woman was violent. Even to her best friend.

Chase unlocked the door. Everyone inside tensed up, getting ready to scream 'surprise'.

Opening the door, Shawna flipped the lights on.

"Surprise!" Everyone yelled.

Shawna squealed, a smile making it's way onto her face.

…

"Aww! Phoenix! Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!" Shawna shouted, hugging her friend.

"Your welcome, child. Now, go say hi to the new girl." She pointed across the way, where a chick across the room, who was chatting with a certain blonde haired geek.

Shawna walked over, leaving Chase standing awkwardly with Phoenix.

Awkward...

"Did you touch her?"

"What? No!" Chase started to choke on the water he had just sipped from the cup.

"Mhm..." Phoenix eyed him suspiciously.

…

"So, how do you like Waffle Island so far?" Gill asked.

"It's okay. I guess," she responded.

"Hi there!" Shawna popped out of nowhere behind Gill, hopping onto his back. She smiled at the new girl, waving. Gill rolled his eyes, before he slowly started to drop Shawna to the ground.

"Hi?"

"This is the birthday girl, and my... new friend, Shawna," Gill introduced.

"Oh, well, happy birthday I guess. I'm Fran," the girl replied.

"Well, Fran, you'll absolutely love Waffle Island! And you have to come visit me lots. I have a feeling we'll be best friends!" Shawna got off Gill's back, plopping gracefully on the floor, barely a 'thud' sounding as she did.

"Uh-huh. That's nice." Fran looked at her oddly.

"Well, I gotta go find out where they put the cake. I think I'm gonna make Chase help me. But before I go~" She walked over to Gill, standing on her tiptoes as she whispered in his ear. "Score, bro." She laughed as Gill's face went red.

…

"Let that be a warning. I will put any poisonous substance in anything if you- So, as I was saying, we had a great time setting this up!" Phoenix quickly changed the subject as Shawna walked over.

"What's up? Chase, I need you to help me look for something."

"Shawna, the cake's over there, in the freezer, on the second shelf. Carvel Ice Cream Cake. Yes, the M&M one." Phoenix rolled her eyes, knowing the red head was going to be looking for it.

"Well that was easy! C'mon Chase! You can help me cut it!" Shawna laughed as she grabbed his hand and pulled- no, dragged- Chase to the freezer. He looked back once to see Phoenix glaring at him.

…

"Present time!" a certain evil brunette called from the kitchen.

"Cake?" came a meek voice.

"And cake."

"Fuck yeah!" Shawna hopped over the counter, trying to be a ninja, only to end up face planting onto the hard wood floors.

"Get up, child. There's no time for sleeping at your very own birthday party," Phoenix scolded the red head.

"Shuft uhp." came a muffled reply.

"Let's hurry it up, young lady. You're going to miss the replay of your soap opera at ten."

…

"Thanks for coming everyone!" Shawna called out the door. When a certain peach haired, bobby pin wearing boy walked past, she grabbed him by the collar, and pulled him back in. "Ah, ah, ah, mister. You promised you'd watch it with me."

"I don't even know Russian!"

"I can translate for you." Shawna laughed, plopping down on the couch.

An thus began another uneventful night. Chase and Shawna on the couch, watching television together. Mama Phoenix glaring at Chase from over the kitchen counter. Shawna and Chase eventually falling asleep. Mama Phoenix still glaring.

**Review?**


	8. The Dream

**We don't own anything.**

It was a dark and stormy night in Waffle Town, the type of night where shit goes down, but this is Waffle Town where no shit goes down so of course it was just like any other night. Phoenix was off...being Phoenix. With the assistance of Kathy and Luke, of course. It also seemed that Selena had joined the orgy gang. I-I mean...~lovely band of friends~

Chase and Shawna had stayed up late watching Russian soap operas, much to the effeminate man's dismay. However, Shawna's idea of a lovely lullaby was lovely lightening and thunder, and after two or three episodes she was out like a light. And, of course, she started to dream~ dream of lovely things~ at night~ nestled in Chase's arms~

…

Our dream starts where no dream usually starts...

Outside a bar.

Well, Phoenix's dreams start like that, but Shawna is still at least semi-innocent.

That aside, our dream begins here, with a certain red-haired child, her husband, and her two lovely...children?

Shawna walked along, holding hands with her loved one, the children on either side of them. She began to think of how nice and quiet her new life was. Chase was thinking the exact same thing, and was glad to just have Shawna around, with out the additional and most hateful, Mama Phoenix.

Where is Phoenix, you ask?

Why, she's in jail.

While on a trip to Oregon, she dressed a mannequin, before closing the blinds. For that, she got a ticket. While she was in New Jersey, she drunkenly threatened a car dealership to open it's doors to the public on a Sunday, and threw pickles in the street as she waited for her friends to pick her up. In California, she showered naked. She made out with Kathy in a movie theater in Kansas, which simply upset the general public. For all of these felonies, she was charged with three years in jail. No longer to live on Waffle Island. No longer to be with her dear Kathy, Luke, and various other partners. No longer able to torment Chase. And what hit her hardest was the fact that she couldn't see her beloved best friend. Just kidding.

What hit her hard was the fact that she wouldn't get the yummy Banana Pancakes and Blueberry Cocktails while in jail. She sure was going to miss that.

Chase laughed quietly, shaking his head. Just as Shawna was about to ask what he was doing, Chaselet Number One, more commonly known as the five year old Adrian, pointed to a couple lumps in the road.

"Mama, what's that?" Adrian asked. The four year old Chaselet Number Two, Damon, screamed as the lumps moved when they got closer.

"Daddy~ It's gonna eat me!" he screamed at the top of his lungs.

"Turn it down! No one wants to hear you, hobo," a most familiar voice growled out.

"Phoenix?" Shawna asked, wide-eyed. The other girl, now with long, blonde hair with blue and red streaks, bolted up, gaping at the sight in front of her.

"Child?" she practically screamed out. The lump next to her stirred again, and sat up slowly. It was someone whom Shawna didn't recognize. So she ignored it.

"I thought you were in jail?" the red-haired girl asked.

"Well, I was. But it's been three years. Remember?" Phoenix smiled in satisfaction, and it faltered a little as Shawna said nothing.

"Nope!" Shawna said. "Chase, do you remember such a thing as this?" the female inquired.

Phoenix growled under her breath, and Chase nodded. "Y-Yeah, honey. I remember. Remember when she went out and got all those tickets for breaking the very ridiculous laws in other places?" he asked.

"Oh!" It was like a light bulb went off in her head, and Shawna began to list some of the reasons for the tickets. She didn't get very far, for even a drunk Phoenix realizes things quickly when it has to do with her dear child.

"...Did you just call her...honey? Who do you think you are?" Phoenix growled, standing up. She swayed a little.

"Shawna's husband," Chase answered, a smug look making it's way onto his face. "And these," he gestured to the Chaselets, "are our two beautiful children."

"Oh my...eww!" Phoenix yelled, practically falling over from either shock or drunkenness. Most likely both.

"This is why I was happy that you were gone..." Chase mumbled.

Phoenix walked over to Shawna, shaking the younger girl by the shoulders, "Please tell me its not true! Please tell me you were drunk! Please tell me you didn't have sex-"

"Excuse me, I don't believe in consuming alcohol," Shawna replied. "And no naughty words. There are children present," she added sternly. Chase rolled his eyes, smiling at his wife.

"_What happened while I was gone?_" Phoenix screamed towards the heavens, shaking her fists.

"Well, if you want to hear the whole story..." Chase was most definitely enjoying this. "I proposed to Shawna and we promptly got married. She then had these two wonderful children, Adrian and Dimitri. We now live happily together in your old shack, which we renovated into a brand new house." Chase and Shawna grasped hands and displayed their wedding rings.

"Fuck no," Phoenix yelled, punching Chase in the face. "I wasn't there to give my daughter away!"

"Well, for one, you were in jail, so we couldn't invite you," Chase said while he rubbed his jaw. "Secondly, you aren't her real mother, or father, so you couldn't give her away even if you wanted to."

"Language!" Shawna's outburst, as usual, went unnoticed as she covered the boys' ears, glaring.

"What the-" However, before Phoenix could finish her rage, she quickly collapsed.

…

When the older girl awoke, she screamed when she focused on the two sets of eyes, one violet, one gray.

"Aunt Phoenix!" Adrian smiled.

"We wanna take you to a magical place!" Damon continued.

"No! Not the strip club!" Phoenix yelled.

"What's a strip-" Adrian started, but was promptly cut off by the elder woman.

"You'll find out when you're older! Now, I must find my love, Kathy!"

…

After running out of the house rather...fast, Phoenix searched high and low for her beloved persons.

She'd just found Luke in the forest, chopping away at random trees. When he'd seen her, his eyes lit up so bright it wasn't funny. They looked like Christmas ornaments.

When she'd found Selena, there was less of a reaction, but only because Selena didn't feel like displaying her joy in front of others. We all know how she is.

When Phoenix found Kathy, however, the reaction was amazing. It was like the Big Bang all over again.

"Phoenix!" The blonde yelled upon seeing her old love.

"Kathy!" They ran towards each other; Kathy dropping the tray of food all over Mayor Hamilton, and Phoenix's accidentally kicking Luke in the groin. Very hard.

When they hugged, you could see a bright light, and then everything exploded.

Okay, so maybe that last part was a lie. But this event made history. Mama Phoenix was back, and ready for more trouble making.

Motioning for all four of them to huddle in a group, Phoenix wrapped her arms around them. "Get ready to paint the town red, my dears." They all giggled. Yes. Even Luke. Luke giggled like the little girly girl he is.

As they all walked out the door, someone started calling her name.

"Phoenix! Phoenix!"

…

Phoenix jolted up, and brown eyes met gray.

"Are you okay?" Shawna asked with a worried look.

"Don't you _ever_ marry Chase, young lady!" she yelled at the confused girl.

"Why shouldn't she marry me? I'm talented, smart, amazing, great at cooking, and not to mention, handsome." He winked at Shawna, who just rolled her eyes.

"Not the most modest, are we? Attention whore," she winked back.

"Nope!"

"Back to the point at hand," Shawna waved Chase off, telling him to go make coffee or something for all of them. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, just a bad dream." Phoenix shuddered, and the confused Shawna just gave her an odd look.

"Well, okay then..." The only times Shawna was being a civilized, sophisticated, and serious person were the times that were quite like these; when she spent her time worried about her dear friends. Especially her best friend.

"Here you are, babe. An extra tablespoon of sugar, just the way you like it." Chase winked as he handed the coffee mug to Shawna, and she giggled. Phoenix cocked an eyebrow, glaring at the peach haired man. How he loved to mess with Phoenix. "And here you are, vicious woman beast. I don't know how you like yours, so do it your own damn self." This only caused Phoenix to growl at the young man while taking her coffee.

Your probably thinking she's going to tell him it tastes bad, right?

Wrong.

Phoenix just wouldn't drink it. Who knows what the idiot did to it. He might have put arsenic in it or something.

"Did she really marry me?" Chase piped up after a few awkward silent moments.

"And you had children, you filthy man-whore. Don't you ever stick anything of yours in her-"

"_Language!_" Shawna hissed.

Phoenix felt like dying.

…

"Hmm...Chase? Do you like the beach?" Shawna asked as she stirred some pasta in a large pot.

"It depends, really. Obviously, I'd rather be in a kitchen, but the beach is okay."

"You are such a woman. That doesn't answer my question, you dolt."

"Yes. Yes, Shawna, I like the beach. Sometimes." He rolled his eyes when he was sure she wasn't looking, laughing lightly to himself.

"We should go together sometime!" she exclaimed excitedly while trying to reach the cabinet.

"When?" he asked, taking the bottle of oregano from her and placing it on the top shelf, where it belonged.

"Thanks." She smiled. "And...I dunno. After work?"

"Alright, works for me. Wait. Phoenix won't be there, will she?" He gazed at the shorter girl curiously.

"No, probably not. She's probably off...getting drunk with Kathy or something, anyways. You know how she is." She smiled at him reassuringly. "It'll just be me and you."

Chase had to remind himself to breath after that, a smile making its way onto his face as she turned away, her attention going back to the pasta.

…

"So Ch- Wait. Whoa. What is _that_?" She pointed at a figure crawling towards the water on its stomach.

Chase recognized it as the kid that was throwing a fit in the inn the other day. He was the son of a guy who was vacationing on Waffle Island for a while. After explaining this, Chase watched as Shawna stood up and turned to the boy.

"Hurry, Turtle-boy! You're almost at the water!" she yelled, jumping up and down. Chase shook his head, chuckling.

Shawna cheered him on for about ten minutes until he reached the water's edge.

She dragged Chase towards the water soon after, trying – unsuccessfully – to push him in. As she was tumbling forward, she yelped, jumping onto him.

"What the hell?"

"...I have a fear of the ocean," she sighed.

He placed her on the sand, smiling at her. "Then why'd we come to the beach? I'll help you get over your fear sometime, if you want."

He could have fun with this.

Despite himself, however, he would need Phoenix present. He tried not to shudder at the thought.

…

Phoenix, meanwhile, was sitting in a chair, bored as ever, and really freaked out. She was going over her dream from the previous night, praying nothing like it would happen.

She _refused_ to let her 'daughter' marry that filthy man-whore.

**You know what to do.**


	9. A Little Bit of Light

**I kinda mixed Animal Parade in with ToT here, for the firefly festival.  
We own nothing.**

"C'mon, Phoenix! We gotta hurry up! You are so slow!"

"Sorry, I didn't know I was the only one on the planet who couldn't get dressed as fast as you do," Phoenix grumbled.

"Oh shush, you sound like Chase. Or worse; Gill! Speaking of, I haven't seen him in a long while; not since he's with that new girl all the time. Maybe I should go visit him. You think so, Phoenix?"

"Hmm? Oh yeah, sure." Phoenix stepped out of the room in a white, flowing skirt and a black shirt. She left her hair down, and was wearing a little bit of makeup. "Ready."

"Let's go!" Shawna, on the other hand, had on a pair of black jeans, and a white tank top. Her flannel shirt was plaid with black and white. The bow in her hair matched her shirt, and it was holding her hair in a half up, half down style. Her makeup was pretty much neutral.

"...Finally," the red head muttered under her breath. Phoenix glared as they walked out the door, headed to Caramel Falls.

…

"Kathy! Luke! Selena!" Phoenix rushed off with her friends as soon as she got there, leaving Shawna standing alone by a tree. She sighed.

It seemed the brunette wasn't as interested in her best friend anymore, as she had new, better friends. After all, who wants an ADD child that's constantly around a certain effeminate chef that you hate? She'd have to ask her friend about all this later.

Speaking of the peachy haired man, he was no where to be found. Shawna had been standing there for a few good minutes now. He wouldn't stand her up, would he? She bit her lip, furrowing her brow.

"Don't do that," came a voice from behind her. She spun around with a smile on her face.

"Don't do what?" she asked Chase, who was standing behind her with his arms crossed. She reached out to hug him. She noticed he was wearing the same white tuxedo shirt, with the sleeves rolled up halfway, as usual. He was wearing the same black pants too. But his apron was missing. She was so used to seeing his apron, because she either spent time with him at work, or spent time with him while watching television. She mainly paid attention to the screen at those times.

"Bite your lip. Sorry I'm sort of late. I couldn't find my contacts."

"That's alright. C'mon, let's go find a spot!" She grabbed Chase's hand, dragging him behind her.

Once Shawna found a spot, she laid the black fuzzy blanket down, with the help of Chase, and they sat down.

"It's so nice out today!" Shawna exclaimed.

"It was raining earlier, and now it's sprinkling. What's so great about it?" Chase looked at her seriously for a moment.

"It's so pretty. Just as long as the thunder stays away, it's so nice. Besides, it's just water. Not like it makes you melt. And what have you got to complain about? You're certainly not made of sugar." She winked at him, and he gave her a playful glare.

…

"So, I'll just send her over to chef boy's house, despite myself."

"She is old enough to be alone."

"I know; but she doesn't like to be."

Phoenix and Kathy were talking about planning a vacation during the fall, just the small group of friends. Probably to Toucan Island, or the city. After all, fall was coming up soon, since it was already the twenty fourth of summer.

"Should we really bring Luke along?" Selena questioned, earning a laugh from the other two girls.

"Hey!" Luke exclaimed, feigning hurt. "I'm a good boy!"

They laughed, continuing to talk amongst each other.

…

"The only thing I hate about this weather is it makes my hair crazy," Shawna complained, wringing her hair out.

"It looks fine. Shush," Chase groaned. He'd been watching her try and 'fix' her hair for the past twenty minutes now.

Shawna glared. "Yeah, I got your 'shush'."

"What are you going to do about, hmm, miss?" Chase smirked at her.

"I'll...take your bobby pins out!"

"Oh, I'm so scared. You can't even reach that high, shorty." He laughed as she tried to lean over, and missed, falling on top of him. He sighed. _Deja vu anyone?_

Shawna was still for a minute, staring at him. She brought her face closer, just inches away from his mouth.

Chase stopped breathing. Was she going to kiss him? She smiled shyly down at him, her bangs falling in her face and tickling his nose.

Chase felt a tug at his hair, and then she was off of him, smiling triumphantly and giggling. In her fingers, Shawna was holding three bobby pins.

"Hey, that's cheating!" She just laughed more as he tackled her, getting them back. "It takes me forever to get these in my hair, you know."

"So just leave them out. It still looks nice." He turned away, hiding the pink on his cheeks.

…

Meanwhile, Phoenix and Kathy was chatting about nothing in particular, switching subjects here and there. Their talk was interrupted, however, when a loud noise was heard.

The festival had started.

The four friends stared up, watching as bright flashes of light lit up the night sky. Everyone was clapping and smiling and laughing.

…

Once the festival was finished, everyone started clearing the area, going home to sleep. Gotta hate that 'Monday's Tomorrow' feeling.

"Do you want to put a moonstone lit lantern in the river?" Chase asked his companion as he helped her up.

"Sure. Why?"

"It's basically a way to pay respect to your ancestors, really. To be honest, I don't usually think about stuff like our ancestors. But this is a nice event to remember those who passed on. And the fireflies floating around you, it just adds to the beautiful sight. You get this feeling the fireflies kind of, know somehow." He looked out over the river, watching the fireflies. Shawna reached out, grabbing his hand and smiling.

"I kinda get what you mean. Usually, I'm not thinking about those kind of things either, but it's really nice to just have a night dedicated to thinking about our loved ones."

"I really had a great time with you, you know," Chase looked down at her, squeezing her hand. It'd been almost a month that they'd known each other. Would she ever take the hint?

"Child~" Phoenix's voice rang out, calling for her friend. Shawna pulled Chase behind a trees, so that they were hidden in the shadows.

"I did too. We should go together next year, too."

"Maybe. Maybe we could go to the Starry Night Festival together?"

"What's that?" she smiled.

"It's on the twenty fourth of winter. Basically, we spend a night watching the stars together," he explained.

"I'd love to."

"Great!"

Shawna stood up on her tiptoes, pecking him lightly on the cheek. Quickly, she pulled him out from behind the trees, and found Phoenix.

"Hey there, found you," Shawna sighed. "We were looking for you."

"I was calling your name."

"I never heard you. Huh, weird. Well, we should probably head home, then."

Phoenix looked down at her friend's hand, which was intertwined with the effeminate male chef's. He went to pull away, but Shawna held tighter.

Deciding to let it go for once, and let her friend enjoy herself, Phoenix did her best to smile at the two, leading the way home.

"...Want to stay the night?" Shawna asked. Just as Chase was about to answer, she cut him off. "Of course you do, since you want to hate on Bobby Flay with me."

He shrugged, and they walked back.


	10. Young and Innocent

**We own nothing.**

…

Weeks after the birthday party and the firefly festival, a lot of things had been happening.

Selena, who had joined the gang, was all over Luke, distracting him all the time.

Shawna hooked Gill and Fran up, and they were as happy as could be.

But most importantly, Shawna and Chase had gotten closer, and there were a lot of times nowadays where semi-kinky things were happening, where Mama Phoenix would pop up and go RAWR. Like, today:

...

"Just swallow it!" Phoenix, curious as to who would have said such a kinky thing, stopped in her tracks.

"Is it safe to?" Phoenix knew that voice. She knew that voice anywhere. Her friend was being subjected to naughty things! Waiting to listen to more and see if she really should kill Chase, Phoenix quietly leaned against the wall that was just around the corner from the kitchen.

"I...I think so! Just do it, quick, before anyone sees!." Hearing this, Mama Phoenix quickly snapped her head around the corner, making sure to be quiet.

Shawna was down on her knees in front of Chase, and Chase was throwing his head back, with his hands hidden by Shawna's head.

"Just what do you think you're doing to my lovely daughter!" Phoenix jumped out, and Shawna leaped up in shock, and Chase groaned.

...

"Chase! Quick! Quick! Come here! Kill it! Kill it!"

"What?"

"There's a spider, Chase! A _creepy crawly spider_!" Shawna was shuddering violently, looking very pale.

Chase gave her an odd look before washing the spider down the drain.

Shawna, remembering the Itsy Bitsy Spider song, yelled at Chase. "Chase! Turn on the garbage disposal! Do it! Before it crawls back up the spout again!"

Chase laughed, shaking his head at her, but obeyed.

"Dumb bitch. Anyways, all this yelling all morning has my throat hurting. We don't have medicine here, do we?" Shawna asked. She had been screaming at Chase all morning. First was when he scared her by staring over her shoulder while she was cooking. Second was a string on the table that he had picked up for her, and never threw away. Then a piece of gray hair in the food. It was probably from Yolanda, but Shawna felt the need to blame Chase for it. Now the spider.

"Uh, let me see." Chase leaned towards the cabinet on the left side of the kitchen, looking through it. Finding some sort of purple, gross looking and artificially flavored as grape...liquid...something or other, he pulled it down and closed the drawer. As he walked back, he accidentally tripped Shawna, who fell on her bottom. Being lazy, she adjusted to sitting on her knees instead of actually getting up.

Chase turned around with some of the medicinal stuff on a spoon.

"What is it?" Shawna asked, eying it carefully.

"Do want the truth? I really have no fucking clue." Chase shrugged. Shawna gave the purple stuff a repulsed look, leaning to sniff it.

"Just drink it!" Chase yelled, not wanting to stand there all day. Instead of taking the spoon, Shawna put her mouth around it. She refused the let her tongue touch it. She wouldn't let any of her mouth touch the purple liquid. "Oh my... Just swallow it!" he yelled. She glared up at him, taking the spoon out of her mouth.

"Is it safe to?" she asked, still giving the goop an odd look.

Chase growled. "I...I think so! Just do it, before someone sees!" Chase didn't want anyone to think they were testing out this stuff to see if they could put it in food.

When Shawna still hesitated, he threw his head back in annoyance. Shawna huffed before putting the spoon in her mouth and plugging her nose, swallowing the nasty liquid. Artificial grape flavoring. Human's worst nightmare.

"Just what do you think you're doing to my lovely daughter!" someone yelled. Shawna jumped up, and Chase groaned.

He knew that voice anywhere. And the tone, since it was only directed towards him ninety eight percent of the time.

Shawna turned around with the spoon in her mouth. "Oh, Chase! My throat feels better already!" She smiled brightly. "It was slimy and salty. But it was totally worth it!"

Phoenix's face, by now, was red with anger.

"Will anyone tell me what in the hell is going on in this damn kitchen, before I grab a butcher knife and slice Chase's head off?"

Shawna, rolling her eyes, looked at Phoenix oddly. "What's the matter?"

"Chase, what did you do to her?"

"If you _must _know, you stupid, vile woman, I gave her medicine...of some sort. She said her throat hurt. So I helped her. And _not_ in the sexual way, thank you very much." Chase had already seen something like this coming. Normally, he would've tried pissing Phoenix off more by saying something like, 'Not that I wouldn't like to', but right now, she was holding a knife. And when women hold knives...let's just say, you don't mess with them.

Phoenix left without another word, huffing about how she needed to walk in at the _right_ time more often.

…

Phoenix and Kathy sat at the dining room table with Luke, mourning over the loss of their beloved Selena.

No. She didn't die.

She just went to Toucan Island, to spend some time with her parents for a while.

But they were all very sad anyways, because they couldn't go one day without that lovely red headed slu- wonderful woman.

"Would you like a drink, dear? You seem stressed."

"No. No I wouldn't. Long day. It's nothing." The mental image of Shawna going down on Chase was stuck in her mind, along with all her other erotic and kinky thoughts that had to do with big parties.

"You, Luke?"

"Kathy! I'm ashamed of you! You can't give a five year old alcohol!" Luke yelled. Both girls stopped what they were doing to give him a weird look.

"Luke, you're not five," Phoenix pointed out.

"I'm...I'm not? My dad lied to me all this time?"

"Your dad told you that you were five?" Kathy inquired.

"I have to go!" And he ran out.

…

Chase was walking Shawna home from their Hockey Thursday dinner. Every week, they would leave work and go to Chase's house.

Shawna and Chase were both worn out from cheering so much, and Shawna had to take more of that purple medicine, if you can even call it that. The Penguins were on that night, and being that it was both their favorite team, the house was...very loud. Anytime they were to score another point, the two would get up and scream, jumping for joy.

But now, that joy was over. Because when the game ended, so did all conversation. Eventually, they almost fell asleep. So Chase offered to walk her home, in order to stay awake.

As they walked silently along a path, they were both just enough alert to move out of the way of a seemingly crying Luke, who was nothing but a blue blur as he ran past them, in the direction of the Mine District.


End file.
